A Deep Exploration of Elderhood

What does it mean to be an elder? That’s the question raised in Come of Age: The Case for Elderhood in a Time of Trouble, written by Stephen Jenkinson (North Atlantic Books, 2018). Jenkinson contends that although there are more old people than ever, there are fewer elders. Elderhood, he says, has been swept away in a time of constant change and a refusal to acknowledge limits. 

Through Jenkinson’s musings, we are led to examine our lives and values, and the never-ending quest for continued growth. This seemingly sacred value of the western imagination and way of living is at odds with what it means to be an elder. 

Come of Age is a meandering book – flowing into the etymology of words, and the shift in their meanings as a result of shifts in society; to the author’s musings on colonialism; life on his farm; the founding of his Orphan Wisdom school; and other subjects, all of which flow like streams to join the river of the meaning and necessity of elderhood for the young and for the old. 

Elderhood, Jenkinson states, “is one stout antidote to the learned insignificance that howls in the heart of those jockeying for recognition.”

With all these wanderings, I sometimes didn’t understand exactly what the author was trying to say. Sometimes I didn’t agree with his statements. Yet, I’d say this is essential reading for anyone would like to explore what elderhood means, and who wonders “where to?” in this age of ever-changing uncertainties.

Conscious Elderhood

I did not deride the old though I was young

The line above was written by Cormac Mac Cuileannáin, King and Poet of Cashel, CE 833 – 903 (Celtic Myths and Legends, Peter Berresford Ellis)). Derision of the old in western culture appears to have been going on for a long time. And not just by the young. I’ve heard people in their sixties ridicule others a decade (or perhaps not even that much) older than themselves with the use of terms such as “old cakes” and “geris.” And terms for older women are frequently much worse. 

Do you dread the thought of becoming, or being, old? Take a moment to ask yourself why. What does being old mean to you?

Our present culture values youth but there are tribal cultures where elderhood is (or has been, until recently) acknowledged as an honored state. Take this Chinese proverb:

A family that has an old person has a jewel

The jewel of the old person is knowledge and experience that, ideally, leads to wisdom. The treasure is in having lived long enough to know the values that are important to a fulfilled and happy life. Having lived through sixty or more decades, the elder can look back with clear vision and pass on that insight to the generations behind him or her. 

Although our bodies inevitably slow down and our physical energy lessens, the gifts of age should be the time to reflect, time to turn towards our deepest selves, and inner balancing. It may be a time to take on a new task or calling and to become moral leaders and guides within our communities speaking with the voice of experience, reason and wisdom.

It is helpful to each of us to approach this stage on life consciously, deciding on our roles and how we wish to interact with the world in new ways. We are often freed from the all-consuming tasks of raising a family and the demands of career. We can be free, also, of the unthinking acquisition of “things.” It is no wonder that, for a consumer-dominated society, the older person has no value and that the voice that speaks of deeper values is ignored.

How can we combat this outlook on life, one that sidelines the elder? We can start by questioning our own thinking. We need to shift the lens through which we look at ourselves. – from one of physical ability and ego, to who we are in a deeper sense. How do you live your life with a new understanding? We can start by speaking of elders in new terms that are not disparaging or dismissive. We can start by listening, and by spending time with the aged. 

And we can begin a process of acceptance and celebration with ceremony. Creating such an event gives us an opportunity to pause, take stock and rethink. 

An elder ceremony is an event that marks a passage into the new stage, and gives us a chance to consider the meaning of this new stage. It is a way of integrating the stages of our life. The timing for the ceremony is individual. It can be at age fifty, or later, depending on the feeling and readiness of the person. Some women choose to take on the role of elder after menopause; others will wait longer. 

An elderhood ceremony helps us to focus on the experiences and goals of this new phase in life, a phase that is not one of moving to the sidelines, but of going further into our truest selves and the relationships that mean the most to us. We symbolically acknowledge where we are and we move forward without fear. We are welcomed into the tribe of elders, we embrace our role.

To Name is to Create

A name announces our individual presence to the world. It defines who we are and how we are known. And so, the naming of a baby, the presentation of a new being into the world, is an occasion that is joyful and, also, one that can set the course in the life that is being lived. Think of how the name of a famous parent will create opportunities (and, perhaps, difficulties) for the life of that child. For the rest of us, the name may connect the child with ancestors and our family - it says you are one of us. The naming of a child is important.

I once knew someone who had been adopted. As an adult, this man decided to reclaim the name he had received from his birth mother. This was his way of saying this is where I came from, this is where I have chosen to belong.

Others of us may choose to change one or more of our names for other reasons. Many of us with some African ancestry may choose to find a connection to that continent through a name. When enslaved people were brought from Africa, their names were taken from them,signifying that their personhood no longer mattered. The often negative reaction received when a woman chooses not to take on her husband's name is a measure of the depth of patriarchal values. Some people may find that their birth name no longer fits them and they would like a new name - a rebirth - to show that they are a new person. 

Some of us may have names that are used only in particular circumstances, such as a name used by a Druid that connects him or her to a deity or some other aspect of the world of spirit. It is no small thing to give up an old name, or to take on a new one. It sets us upon a new way of being.

In one of the stories of Isis, she desires to know the secret name of Ra. Without his secret name, Isis cannot know his deepest, truest being, or claim his magic for herself.  By trickery, she finds the secret name of Ra and becomes the mistress of all magic.

A name is magic. Celebrate the giving of a name - whether to a baby, or when taking on a new name. Think about everything that this name means. It is who you are, or who you wish to become.