I did not deride the old though I was young
The line above was written by Cormac Mac Cuileannรกin, King and Poet of Cashel, CE
833 – 903 (Celtic Myths and Legends,
Peter Berresford Ellis)). Derision of the old in western culture appears to
have been going on for a long time. And not just by the young. I’ve heard
people in their sixties ridicule others a decade (or perhaps not even that
much) older than themselves with the use of terms such as “old cakes” and
“geris.” And terms for older women are frequently much worse.
Do you dread the thought of becoming, or being, old? Take a
moment to ask yourself why. What does being old mean to you?
Our present culture values youth but there are tribal
cultures where elderhood is (or has been, until recently) acknowledged as an
honored state. Take this Chinese proverb:
A family that has an old person has a jewel
The jewel of the old person is knowledge and experience
that, ideally, leads to wisdom. The treasure is in having lived long enough to
know the values that are important to a fulfilled and happy life. Having lived
through sixty or more decades, the elder can look back with clear vision and pass
on that insight to the generations behind him or her.
Although our bodies inevitably slow down and our physical
energy lessens, the gifts of age should be the time to reflect, time to turn
towards our deepest selves, and inner balancing. It may be a time to take on a
new task or calling and to become moral leaders and guides within our
communities speaking with the voice of experience, reason and wisdom.
It is helpful to each of us to approach this stage on life
consciously, deciding on our roles and how we wish to interact with the world
in new ways. We are often freed from the all-consuming tasks of raising a
family and the demands of career. We can be free, also, of the unthinking
acquisition of “things.” It is no wonder that, for a consumer-dominated society,
the older person has no value and that the voice that speaks of deeper values
is ignored.
How can we combat this outlook on life, one that sidelines
the elder? We can start by questioning our own thinking. We need to shift the
lens through which we look at ourselves. – from one of physical ability and
ego, to who we are in a deeper sense. How do you live your life with a new
understanding? We can start by speaking of elders in new terms that are not disparaging
or dismissive. We can start by listening, and by spending time with the aged.
And we can begin a process of acceptance and celebration
with ceremony. Creating such an event gives us an opportunity to pause, take
stock and rethink.
An elder ceremony is an event that marks a passage into the
new stage, and gives us a chance to consider the meaning of this new stage. It
is a way of integrating the stages of our life. The timing for the ceremony is
individual. It can be at age fifty, or later, depending on the feeling and
readiness of the person. Some women choose to take on the role of elder after
menopause; others will wait longer.
An elderhood ceremony helps us to focus on the experiences
and goals of this new phase in life, a phase that is not one of moving to the
sidelines, but of going further into our truest selves and the relationships
that mean the most to us. We symbolically acknowledge where we are and we move
forward without fear. We are welcomed into the tribe of elders, we embrace our
role.
